Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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