it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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