Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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