just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
