HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
