I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
