Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
