Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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