Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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