I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
