Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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