He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
