you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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