Buhtt sex?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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