I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
