I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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