ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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