So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
