She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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