great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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