Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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