Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
