Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
