UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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