Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
