Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
