My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i came on her dog
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
