So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
