so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
