If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
