We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
