I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
