so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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