fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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