yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
