I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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