end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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