either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
