Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize