it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize