worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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