Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
love makes seman taste better
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
