I want to walk on stilts...naked
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
