I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
