adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
