i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
