I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
