I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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