This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
