I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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