note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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