I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
