I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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