Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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