my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
