I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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