i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
