when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
