Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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