Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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