I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
