Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
