I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
