You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
