I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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