Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
