turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
