morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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